Ladies of a certain age: been looking around for a nice doctor to fix that sagging neck? Been repeatedly told that a ludicrously expensive facial serum is the only answer? Can’t face either? Or don’t have the money? Or you do have the money, but can’t stomach someone else getting their hands on it? Don’t worry, you can be cheap about this!
This is all very well, I hear you say. But that turkey neck is following me around like Me and my Shadow! Well then, you simply keep your head up.
This can transform you completely. Stop creeping around, apologising for your age, with a heavy head and stooped shoulders. Keep your head raised and level, and your back straight. Will you see a turkey neck now? The Hell you will! And nor will anyone else!
While this gorgeous head is upright, keep your eyes to a certain level and don’t look at anyone. No eye contact. With your apparent aloofness, people will look at you. Of course, you risk snubbing a lifelong friend, but they’ll tell you quick enough. Usually over a slurred and tearful phone call.
Keeping your body upright, shoulders back and even, and head up, you will appear poised and elegant. You will never look back. Quite literally.
There is a lot to be said for good posture. I would recommend practising walking with a book on your head, but it sounds so bloody dangerous!! My own practising has come from The Youtube. All those little sort of films on the computer (how do they do that?!). Look under Posture Exercises, there are some nice people on there happy to give advice for free. And I’m happy to take it.
Now, the widespread whinge of a middle aged woman on the mass media is how you become invisible to the public eye at a certain age. Well, I can wave a magic wand against all that:
Put on a hat
I, myself, own two hats. Cheap as anything. And they have enjoyed many a felt or plastic flower stuck through them. I’m even too tight to buy those. I make my own felt flowers, stick a posh button in the middle, then sew or pin them to the hat. No-one will notice the shoddy workmanship, they’ll be too busy admiring you walking by. Haven’t you looked twice at a lady in a hat? I know I have.
Phew! Need to sit down after all that advice.
Tune in for Part Two of the Cheap Files.